In Need of Constant Repair and Maintenance...

We have three known water leaks in our house right now. The ice maker has a leak somewhere in the connection and the water is now turned off there. Two of our toilets have leaks...one bad enough that the water has to be turned off there too. No worries, a handyman is coming on Monday to fix them. Then, last night, I went into my office and opened up the closet door and guess what I found..a water stain on the ceiling of the closet. Another leak. This time the newly remodeled shower is the suspected culprit. This one won't be so easy to fix. Water is now off on that shower too.

This house I live in is in constant need of repair and maintenance. If we neglect the maintenance on the house it turns into a much bigger project and then usually needs repair. We've learned this...especially recently.

It's the same for me. I've been neglecting my spiritual life for the last couple of months. "Too busy or too tired", I say to myself almost subconsciously. When I don't spend time in prayer and devotion then I feel it in every part of my life. I'm feeling it now. I need to take the time and make it a priority again. It's really my favorite part of the day.

I'm a silent worrier. I don't talk about my anxieties much...but they are there. When I start my day with God then I'm able to give to him all my concerns (like all these home repairs, upcoming taxes and health issues) first thing in the morning and He gives me peace to go through my day.

In the book Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow, she says, "When we worry, we're saying, "God can't". "If we are walking in anxiety, we're not walking in faith". I think she's right. At times when I'm worried or anxious I'm definitely not walking in faith. God doesn't always make things perfect for me...but knowing He is beside me as I go through my life is what relieves my anxiety. I just needed to remember that.

I hope your weekend is a great one.

Jackie

P.S. Thank you all for your get well comments and emails. I ended up having pneumonia not a virus like I thought I had...I'm recovering. I'm starting to feel slightly better today and I'm hopeful I'll feel much better in a couple of days. I really appreciate all of you!

P.P.S. Pic source is here. This photo has really nothing to do with my post today except that it just makes me happy and it makes me think of God walking with me on my life path.

A Little Charmer and 3rd Grade Love Woes...

Today hasn't been the best day since I've caught a virus and have been dealing with body aches, fever and all the fun that goes along with that. However, there were two bright spots in my day and I wanted to get them down before they escape my foggy brain.

If you know Kobe, you can't tell him I told you this....okay? This is a sensitive subject for a certain 9 year old boy...

When I took Kobe to school today and as we were driving up into the parking lot I noticed a Mom and her kids crossing the street going towards the school. I recognized them as a homeschooling family who lives on our street. This particular family has an 8 year old daughter who has expressed her LOVE for Kobe by leaving nicely decorated love notes for him in our mailbox a few times. Kobe hasn't appreciated the love notes and we've had to have a few conversations about kindness in this situation. Mostly, he's just really embarrassed by it all.

So, I say to Kobe, "look who is crossing the street...they must have decided to start sending their kids to public school". There is a moment of silence from the backseat and then I hear him quietly say ..."Oh, Great"...and a few moments later I hear him whispering..."please let them get into the school before me...please let them get into the school before me...please let them get into the school before me". Well, they did go into the school before Kobe did and I just had to chuckle after he jumped out of the car because I remember those 3rd grade crushes. He was pleased to announce after school that she is in 2nd grade NOT 3rd grade like he had feared...All is Well! So Far!

The rest of the day I spent mostly on the couch. When it was time to pick up Kobe from school I was having a hard time getting Kyler in gear to get his coat and shoes on so we could leave. Every time I thought he was putting his gear on I'd walk in and he was jumping on the couch or some other 3 year old mayhem. So, I say..."You have GOT to get your shoes and coat on so we can Go get your brother!" (imagine voice raising with each word) I turn around to grab my purse and I start to hear kissing sounds. I then turn around to look at Kyler and he says, "Does somebody need some kisses?". Well of course I do! This boy has already figured out how to melt my heart.

Even though it's 5:00pm and I'm not feeling any better than I did this morning...I had a couple of smiles that made my day. See...there is more of that beauty I'm searching for...

Finding Beauty...

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. ~John Muir

January isn't a particularly beautiful time in my part of the country but it's there and if I look I can usually find it. I'm looking for the brightness in this bleak and gray time of the year. For me, beauty isn't only something that I see with my eyes. Sometimes it's a small gesture or a kindness. Sometimes it's a feeling or an emotion. In January and February I'm usually seeking it out...this year is no different...

I'll begin my quest with photos from our Valentine Tree at home. This year both boys wanted to decorate the tree and I sat and watched them. They had a lot of fun decorating the tree and I had a lot of fun watching them. The tree isn't arranged as maybe I would have done it but ...the beauty of our tree is in our time spent together.





And...although I'm struggling with living in our construction mess right now...I saw a small, bright spot on top of our displaced dishwasher this morning. A sweet coffee mug mingling with the waiting supplies.



Where do you find beauty during the winter?

The Old Girl Gets A Facelift...

No, not me...although now that I've hit my 40's I may rethink that whole nip and tuck thing...

The real facelift is happening in our old house...there has been a lot of action here in the last few weeks. Our old bathroom has almost been completely remodeled with new ceramic tile and it was finished last week. This week our kitchen floor is being ripped out only to find a LOT of mold and decay. The pesky and not so pleasant scent that I was blaming on the dishwasher has unveiled itself in the floor and subfloor under the refrigerator. The leak is fixed and new ceramic tile floor is going in.

Our house was built in 1968...the same year I was born. Most of the time I don't feel too old but a lot of the time I feel like this house is ancient in all it's 1960's suburban rancher glory. I've decorated around some the retro features of our home and some of the features I think I've decided to keep...like the old swag light in the newly remodeled bathroom. I think it sort of fits with my shabby, french country, primitive look that I've got going on in there (how's that for eclectic?). The swag light and the faux marble counter top will be staying for now since the funds have run out. I have become friends with the old light fixture again since I spent 18 hours painting in there. Yes, 18! I ran into some issues...which is almost always the case with my painting projects.

I wish I had some before photos of the bathroom...just imagine old vinyl floor tiles with moldy subfloor underneath and an unusable shower with many missing pea green tiles and moldy drywall behind it. Oh, and we can't forget the mold growing all around the tops of the walls throughout the whole bathroom. Just lovely!!

This looks much better...






This is what I was looking at out the window for the two days I was painting...foggy and misty weather...perfect interior painting weather I'd say!

Oh, To Be A Direct Sales Superstar!

I could just see it so clearly. ME...walking into a room full of women. I was dressed impeccably down to the shoes. I looked great. I smelled great. Success was just written all over me. I was there to encourage them in their businesses.

I knew women like this. They drove pink cars, burgundy cars and luxury SUV's. They went on fabulous trips with their husbands or their girlfriends. They were able to pay for their children's college tuition with what they earned alone or they were able to work around their children's school schedules. I knew one successful woman who told me that this was her ministry. She was able to encourage women to be the best they could be and be a mentor in their faith walk as well.

I knew them. I wanted to be one of them. So, I tried. And Tried. AND TRIED. You name the company and there is a good chance I was one of their representatives.

The problem is...I'm more of a behind the scenes kind of girl. My little fantasy never included all the work that had to be done to book appointments, show up and actually "sell" something at the appointment and do the followup. Oh, I could DO the followup...it was just the other stuff that I wasn't so great at.

Through the years I've learned where my gifts are and more importantly maybe...where they AREN'T. What I did decipher from my fantasy? I really wanted the opportunity to encourage other women. I've found other outlets for that now...hopefully...sometimes even on this blog.

So, as I watch the company cars pull into our car pool line at school, I will know that the person driving that car is probably using her gifts and I know now that I'm also using mine.

I hope you know what your gifts are. It took me a long time to find mine. I think that as I discover my gifts, my purpose is also being discovered. Knowing my purpose brings...Contentment.

Where January Finds Me...

January this year finds me loving my home. This love is long overdue as I had come to see my home as a burden in the last few months...maybe years. Viewing my home as a burden instead of a blessing is selfish, I know...but that's where I've been. I'm feeling revived to make the turn back to love again.. My list is still long but my attitude has changed and that makes all the difference. So, this January finds me spending time making my home one of my priorities again.

January also finds me baking bread and trying to find the perfect creamy coffee color for my bathroom...

January finds me sketching out garden plans in my journal and longingly looking at my collection of garden magazines and newly arrived catalogs...

It also finds me looking for brightness in the dreary and long days. Flowers given to me BY me are one my winter treats that make me smile whenever I see them...and...a bowl full of oranges taste great and brighten the dining room...

January finds me starting a new collection of utilitarian beauty. Decorating with salvage type materials is beauty to me. A bowl full of glass topped fuses sparkles in the dreariness of January.

These first few days of January find me content and filled with a the promise of a new year!

My Creative Space...

Well, I guess I will call myself a creative person. For as long as I can remember I have always been working on something whether it's decorating my home, planning, planting or tending to a garden, stitchery, scrapbooking, journaling and visual journaling and most recently building a Dream Board and Writing. Everywhere we have lived I have claimed some spot in our house/duplex/apartment as my Creative Space. In this house, I'm fortunate enough to have an office. It doubles as a spare bedroom but most of the time it's my space. It's not super organized but it's very comfortable. It's a place of Prayer, Peace and Creativity. Here's a little tour of my Creative Space...

I Still Like to Send and Receive REAL Cards...With REAL Handwriting...Here is my Stash!

You Can't Ever Have Too Many Pairs of Scissors...

Much of My Writing Inspiration over the last 10+ Years Has Come From These Books...

You Can Never Have Too Many Binder Rings Either...

The Works In Progress...

The Clean Side of the Office...

A Box Full of Sticker and Paper Love...

A Sweet Gift From A Newly Found Friend...

The View From My Desk...Those Twigs are a Beautiful Hydrangea Bush...

Where Do You Create?

Defining Moments...

I was sitting in the dark and quiet living room this morning and I heard him come down the hall and call out quietly to me. "Mom", he whispered. He was looking for me just like he does every morning when he wakes up. Every morning!

To be the one they want to see when they make their way from their bedrooms each morning is a gift. I am blessed! It's easy to take that kind of gift for granted but it's truly the best part of my day. A great start to my day is when I awaken early enough to spend time journaling and prayer with a great cup of coffee. There are many mornings when I'm engrossed in my writing or studying and I'll hear the footsteps coming down the hall and the whisper..."Mom"... and I'll groan to myself and think..."Oh, just 10 more minutes". But, then I see his face and he jumps onto my lap and wants to snuggle and I know it's time to set aside the journal and focus on my gift. My other gift usually comes along a little later in all his 9-year old gangley-ness and legs and wants to snuggle too...though not as often...

My gifts are from God and these moments are special...and fleeting...I know. Moments like these help me define my purpose...and know at least one reason I'm here on this earth.

Making The Best Of It...

I saw Grandma and Grandpa today. At one point in the visit Grandpa said to me, "I guess we're probably going to be staying here for the long haul". Here meaning the nursing home where he and Grandma have been living for the last couple of years. I heard myself saying things like, "well, this is a nice place" and "they take really good care of you here" and "groceries are really expensive now and you always have a meal prepared for you here".

Driving home through the frozen farmland of northern Missouri and trying to drown out the bickering of the boys in the backseat with my thoughts...I was thinking how easy it was for me to say those things to Grandpa. I don't know that I would feel the same way if I was in their place. Losing their independence...leaving their home that they excitedly built 20 years ago...no more driving anywhere when they feel like it...and virtual strangers seeing more of you then you'd care to admit. Grandma and Grandpa are in their mid-80's now and have lived a good life. Not an easy one. But a good one. I don't think they have totally accepted that they will live out the remainder of their lives in the nursing home. I'm not sure any of us have, really.

So, as always, I try to think about what the lesson in this is for me. I'm 40 years younger than they are. I could end up in the same type of place in 40 years. Then what? Will I care? Will I fight it like they do? Will I accept it?

What I know is that 40 years goes by fast. My first 40 have virtually flown by. What I've learned is that my relationships are the most important things in my life. I hope that if I'm in a nursing home in 40 years that I accept where my place in life is at the time and try to make the best of it.

The lesson for me now? I'm not exactly where I want to be at this point in my life ...BUT... it's where I'm at and I need to make the best of it. But really, I need to not only just make the best of it I need to make the MOST of it.

I think I just found my goal for 2010.


Jackie