On Prayer and Meditation...

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Turning all the noise off in life and in my head is hard sometimes.  I'm so distracted by devices, whether it's phone, computer, or iPad.  Also, kids, husband, bills or work and busy-ness keep me from taking time to pray and talk to God.  It's hard to turn off the noise and be still enough to hear from God.  I've always been pretty good about asking God for things but not so good at listening.  Meditation is helping to still my mind.  The song, Oceans, helps me to be still and pray and listen.  

I invite you try it...Wherever you are right now.  It's okay if you're in your office chair, at your kitchen table or in bed.  It doesn't matter.  Just get comfortable and place your hands on your legs or any comfortable position.

Start the Video Below...

Take a Deep Breath...

Close Your Eyes (if you wish)...

Breathe...

It's okay if your mind wanders...

Just come back to your breath...

Take a Deep Breath...

Breathe...

Breathe...

Breathe...

Pray.

Listen.

Love.

With Love,

Jackie

How Shall I Pray?

One of my favorite books is Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder.  His prayers in the book on so many days get right to the heart of what I'm feeling.  Today is no different.  Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday.

How Shall I Pray?

How shall I pray?
Are tears prayers, Lord?
Are screams prayers,
or groans
or sighs
or curses?

Can trembling hands be lifted to you,
or clenched fists
or the cold sweat that trickles down my back
or the cramps that knot my stomach?

Will you accept my prayers, Lord,
my real prayers,
rooted in the muck and mud and rock of my life,
and not just my pretty, cut-flower, gracefully arranged
bouquet of words?
Will you accept me, Lord,
as I really am,
messed up mixture of glory and grime?

Lord, Help me!
Help me to trust that you do accept me as I am,
that I may be done with self-condemnation
and self-pity,
and accept myself.
Help me to accept you as you are, Lord:
mysterious,
hidden,
strange,
unknowable;

and yet to trust
that your madness is wiser
than my timid, self-seeking sanities,
and that nothing you've ever done
has really been possible
so I may dare to be a little mad, too.

Ted Loder

{A Run-of-the-mill Sinner}

Are you a run-of-the-mill sinner? Am I?

Reading from Luke 6:31-34 (The Message)...

"Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that's charity? The stingiest of pawn-brokers does that."

I did ask myself what I want people to do for me. I came up with this...I want them to be my friend. Even if they don't think I'm worthy of their friendship...or not good enough...young enough....wealthy enough...driving the right kind of car...living in the right neighborhood...just enough.

When I turn it around I realize sometimes I'm not reaching out to people for much of the same reason that I feel that I'm not reached out to by others. Maybe they aren't who I would think of when I think of someone that I could be friends with. It doesn't seem like we would have anything in common. Yes, I'm real and not perfect...I'm laying it out here today. What happens then is that I miss out on friendships that would probably enrich my life. The same way I feel that I would probably enrich others lives when don't reach out to me.

Luke 6:35-36 (The Message)...
"I tell you, love your enemies (or people who act they are too good for you). Help and give without expecting a return. You'll never--I promise-- regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we're at our worst. Our Father is kind, you be kind".

I hope you enjoy your Sunday and spend a little timing reaching out to others this week. I'll be working on this in my own life.

**photos taken today from my back deck and taken with my iPad.

A Day of Silence...

Although I'm struggling today with grief and sadness over Friday's tragedy, I will continue to Believe these words...

Remember your God has the final word, your name is written in the palm of His Hand, and you do not need to live in fear of the future. God is already there.

"See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.." Isaiah 49:16

What Kind Of World Is This?

Someone wrote on Facebook yesterday, "...according to the Mayan calendar our world is going to end soon...but I believe our world ended today..."

Powerful words written.

The world that we have lived in has changed throughout the years, hasn't it?  It's not the world it was when we were children.  This tragedy that happened yesterday has brought us to our knees and turned our world Dark.  Lights Out.  Darkness.

I noticed today on Facebook a few people are already going back to talking about their Christmas plans, things they have purchased, things they are selling, etc.  I can't bring myself to do that.  I know life must go on...but I feel changed.  How?  I'm not sure yet.  Tragedy happens around us constantly...but this has rocked me to my core.

Innocent children and their teachers killed.  Unspeakable. 

The question many of us are asking is...Why?

I guess we'll never have the answer, will we?

I hugged my children tighter yesterday...I forgot the problems I'm facing...I stopped to Thank God for the Blessings I have.

But...

I'm Scared!

I know now that these things can be taken away in an instant.  I always knew that...but it's more apparent to me now.

Today, this day after the tragedy, what am I going to do?  What are you going to do?

I'm looking for Hope!  I'm searching for some meaning in this.  I'm seeking some Light in the sacrifice of these 27 lives.

"Every Story Has An Ending, But In Life Every Ending Is A New Beginning".

 ~unknown

I'm searching for what this new beginning might be.  

God?  Please.  Light our way.

Hopeful,

Peace and Quiet...

Can you have too many Hydrangea Bushes?  I don't think so.   Seven...that's how many I counted today in my yard and I'm thinking about another one.  All but one of them are in my backyard...where I spend most of the time when I'm outside. 

Peaceful...and Quiet...That's what they say to me...and Old Fashioned like what you might see at your Grandma's house.

The pink one in the above photo is under my office window at the back of the house, but it looks to me like it belongs in front of a shabby old farmhouse with white peeling paint.  My farmhouse porch would be surrounded by hydrangeas and I would be sitting on my porch swing with a warm breeze blowing.  I'd be looking out at my garden and see hollyhocks, pole beans and heirloom tomatoes. Now, that's a sweet daydream.

 

You know, I've been nursing these beauties for approximately seven years now.  They have had just a few blooms in those years.  This year...they are covered.  I feel like all my nurturing has paid off.  Or it's some quirk of nature...which is what happens so often in my garden.  

See that bowl of water in the photo above?  It's my DIY bird bath.  An old stump with an overturned clay pot placed on it and the dish of water on top...with a pretty rock in it.  I catch someone taking a bath in it almost every time I go out back.  It's surrounded by Lemon Balm, Hostas and Daylillies with my Blue Hydrangea in the foreground.   It's one of my favorite spots in the garden.  Lately...this is where I spend my early mornings before everyone else is awake.  Drinking coffee with vanilla caramel creamer, contemplating my day, praying and enjoying the peace and quiet of summer mornings.

 

Time for a refill on my coffee...I hope you find some peace...and quiet...today as well.  Have a great Sunday.


--jackie

Finding Your Glass Half Full...or...Half Empty?

Are You A Glass Half Full Kind Of Person?

Or A Glass Half Empty Person?

What am I?  Well, I can fairly easily be a {glass half empty} type of person.  I recognize it and I work hard...strive...to be a {glass half full} type of person.  I work at it.  I seek out joy everyday.  I try to start my day on a positive note by ignoring the news and the internet for as long as possible.  I enjoy the beauty of the outdoors.  I read devotionals and positive affirmations before I start anything else for the day.  I pray.  I journal.  I take notes in this and carry it with me. All of these things help to start my day on the positive and if the day takes a left turn towards the negative I have tools to pull myself back. 

Here are some of my Tools...

>>Your Best Life Begins Each Morning: Devotions to Start Every New Day of the Year by Joel Osteen

>>The Message//REMIX Solo Pink: Breast Cancer Awareness Edition 

>>My favorite journal...Ecosystem Author (lined version)

>>The Absolute Best Email I receive Everyday comes from Notes From The Universe.   I intentionally read it first each day when I open my email.  

 

 

 What are your tools?  Please share...

 

Thanks For Stopping By...

Jackie

**Blooper Photos from the Fathers Day 2010 Photo-shoot

Favorite Thanksgiving Prayers and Traditions...

One of my favorite things about Thanksgiving, besides all the great food, is our Thanksgiving Tablecloth!  I spread out a white tablecloth and everyone who has dinner with us or stops by on Thanksgiving signs the tablecloth and records what they are thankful for.  It is a treasure!! I don't have mine out yet...so no photo...but here is an example.

I've also collected a few simple prayers for Thanksgiving. 

My prayer for you this holiday is that your Thanksgiving is filled with warmth, food, good health, family and friends. 

O God, when I have food,
help me to remember the hungry;
When I have work,
help me to remember the jobless;
When I have a home,
help me to remember those who have no home at all;
When I am without pain,
help me to remember those who suffer,
And remembering,
help me to destroy my complacency;
bestir my compassion,
and be concerned enough to help;
By word and deed,
those who cry out for what we take for granted.
Amen.

- Samuel F. Pugh

Thank you for the food we eat,

Thank you for the world so sweet,

Thank you for the birds that sing,

Thank you God for everything.

Thanksgiving Prayer

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jackie

Knowing Who My Father Is...Part 2

And so the story continues.  To read the part 1 click here.

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness was a conscious choice.  It didn't come easy for me but it did come...about 10 years ago.  I had to forgive my Dad to move on in my journey.  If I didn't forgive him I would have been stuck...stalled...and bitter.  Corrie ten Boom says it best,  "Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you."

For me, forgiveness was deciding that I couldn't change the past or change who my Dad was.  What I could do was accept the facts and move forward.  Forgiveness was part of the journey and took a long time before it was settled in my heart.  Forgiveness is what has helped me to be grateful for my experiences and to know that those experiences have shaped who I am today. 


Finding my true Father.  My Heavenly Father.


In the middle of the worst times of my journey...in the early years...I decided that there had to be something more than what I was feeling.  I kept searching and I found my Heavenly Father.  I didn't have a conversion experience.  I made a decision and decided to trust that there must be something more out there.  My faith came alive as I studied and prayed and my relationship with God flourished.  It continues to this day. 

After I examined my feelings of sadness that day that I had lunch with my friend, I was reminded that I have a Father who loves me.  That father is God. 

My earthly father...my Dad...may not be what I would hope for and that's okay.   God desires a relationship with me and that's all I need.

I also know that my Heavenly Father is my Strength (Isaiah 12:2), my Guide (Proverbs 3:6), my Counselor (Psalm 16:7) and my Strong Tower (Proverbs 18:10).  Just as a Father should be.

Until Next Time,
Jackie

*photo courtesy of flickr.com

Knowing Who My Father Is...Part 1

"Heavenly Father, You are my Restorer.  You restore all that has been taken, destroyed, devoured, or lost from my life"  (Adapted from Psalm 23:3)

As my friend Julie and I sat down to lunch a few weeks ago, she began telling me that she had met her Dad for coffee earlier that morning.  They'd had a nice, long chat and he had helped her with a decision she needed to make about a house repair.  She was full of love for her Dad and was thankful he is in her life today.  As she was telling me about her morning I felt a tug on my heart.  I dismissed the feeling.  I wasn't even sure what it was.  We went on with our lunch and had an enjoyable time, as usual.  On my way back to work I realized what the feeling was...what the tug on my heart meant...it was Sadness.  I was surprised at this feeling because I came to terms years ago about the relationship (or lack thereof) I have with my Dad.  I'll probably never be able to call him to meet me for coffee or to ask his advice about something.  I haven't written much about my Dad on this blog...on purpose.  There really isn't much to say.  As I grew into adult-hood 20+ years ago I began my journey of figuring out who I was...in spite of who my father was...and what he had led me to believe about myself.  That journey was hard in the early years.  I had to come to terms with shame, self image, sadness, anger and many other emotions.

I haven't spoken more than a handful of words to my Dad in the last 5 years.  I did see him at my Grandmothers funeral earlier this year and you can read about that here.  I can't say what my Dad's life is like now.  I can't tell you where he lives or if he is even alive.  I can tell you what I know about him from my past.  He could strike up a conversation with just about anyone.  He was an entrepreneur.  He was a gardener.  He was was also an Alcoholic, Abusive, Manipulative and a Master of Mind Control.

Those are the facts.

I don't write them here to slander my Dad.  I write them so you understand where I come from and why I had to take that journey to...Knowing Who My Father is...

We all have stories and I invite you to share one of mine.  Stay tuned for Part 2.

*Photo courtesy of flickr.com

A Prayer for Summer

Let Me Live Grace-fully
from Guerrillas of Grace
by Ted Loder

Thank you, Lord,
for this season
of sun and slow motion,
of games and porch sitting,
of picnics and light green fireflies
on heavy purple evenings;

and praise for slight breezes.
It's good, God,
as the first long days of your creation.

Let this season be for me
a time of gathering together the pieces
into which my busyness has broken me.
O God, enable me now
to grow wise through reflection,
peaceful through the song of the cricket,
recreated through the laughter of play.

Most of all, Lord,
let me live easily and gracefully for a spell,
so that I may see other souls deeply,
share in a silence unhurried,
listen to the sound of sunlight and shadows,
explore barefoot the land of forgotten dreams and shy hopes,
and find the right words to tell another who I am.

Until Next Time...

Jackie

Going Through The Motions...

Going through the motions. Have you ever found yourself there? Nothing exciting or tragic has happened. I'm not unhappy. I'm content. My life is full of loads of laundry, purchasing flip-flops and sunscreen, cooking meals, groceries, hugging boys, pulling weeds, working on spreadsheets and planning events at my paying job, mowing, dusting, visits to the library, washing windows, paying bills, reading, conversations with Pat, lunch with friends, shooing neighbor boys out of my house, watching movies and planning for summer activities.

The calendar and To-Do list are Overflowing. This Overflow is my life...but... I'm missing something.


What is missing is my closeness with God. This happens to me periodically and this time it's been going on for a few months. I try and it feels like He isn't there. I know He is so I keep chatting. It's an empty feeling and I'm so thankful I know what the full feeling is like. The feeling of having God in my life. The thing is...I'm not holding up my end of this relationship. My chats with Him have been happening less often. My morning quiet time has been more reading and pulling weeds than journaling, studying and talking to God. When I neglect this part of my life everything else suffers. This nurturing of my relationship with God is a discipline I have let slide.

I'm feeling the hunger pangs again though. I'm curious. I want to feel that closeness again. I want to talk to Him. I want to learn again. There is hope.




*All photos courtesy of flickr.com

Until Next Time,

Jackie

Continuing To Grow...

Taking Time to Comfort...Me!

I've had a struggle this winter with taking time for myself. Specifically, taking time to enjoy my coffee, journal and prayer early in the morning...before everyone awakens in my house. When everyone else wakes up, I have to put myself aside and take care of their needs. Working full-time, taking care of my family, taking care of my home and other responsibilities leaves little time for me...to connect...with me. I know this. Yet, I've continued to to neglect this time that I need. The rest of my life has suffered, in a way, this winter because I've neglected taking this time for myself. Oh, I've gotten up early in the morning like I always do but I have found myself doing laundry, checking face-book and email and even mopping floors and then before I know it...it's time to wake up the kids and get myself and them ready to head out the door for the day. I've been frazzled...less patient than normal...and stressed.

However, for the last month I have made an appointment with myself around 5:00-5:30 a.m. I don't turn on the t.v. or the computer. I don't open my journal, devotional, bible or whatever book I'm reading or studying. I light a candle before I even turn on any lights and curl up in my chair with a comfy blanket and I am Quiet.

I Breathe.

I Connect with Myself.

I can Think.

When I am Quiet, I can truly focus my prayers, what I read will be more meaningful and my journaling will reveal my true feelings about what is happening in my life. It's easy to lose myself in the busy-ness of my life and my role as a Mom. I need to reconnect with myself daily and then I do a much better job in all areas of my life.

My Comfort Basket**. This little basket holds my journal, bible, devotional and a candle. I carry it to wherever I want to spend my Quiet time each morning.

Little touches of Spring-time inside my home.

**Believe it or not...I made that little basket more than 10 years ago at the House of Mary B. in Arrow Rock MO.

Anticipating Beauty and Growth...

One of the most delightful things about a garden is the anticipation it provides. ~W.E. Johns, The Passing Show

The best place to seek God is in a garden. You can dig for him there. ~George Bernard Shaw

My garden is one of the areas where I express my creativity the most. I have a real garden. Weeds. Plants that don't do well. Plants that shouldn't have been planted because they take over. Kids and dogs tromping on newly sprouted blooms. Like the first quote says though, the anticipation of what the garden is going to look like is the best part for me. I almost always buy very small shrubs and plants because the waiting and watching is what makes it fun. I'm not interested in instant gratification when it comes to gardening.

I need to remember this in the rest of my life too. Planting a seed or small seedling is an act of faith. I put it in the dirt and I expect and hope that it's going to grow and produce a beautiful bloom or a tasty vegetable. Hasn't God done the same thing with me? He gave me gifts and He is waiting for me...watching to see what I'll do with them. It's up to me to carry out the plan He has for me. Like my garden...I'm real...flaws and all. I wonder...when He is waiting and watching me...is the anticipation of what I will become the best part for Him too?

On my bookshelf this week...my interests seem to be all things English lately...I'm thoroughly enjoying every minute I spend with Jane Austen and the anticipation of beginning to work in my garden is increasing every day. Cottage gardening. Simple. Informal. Beautiful.

...and the simplifying and de-cluttering continues. The too-large country table in our dining room has been replaced by a small table with clean lines. Simple.



Have a great weekend!

Jackie

Believing...

It is hard to believe in something I can't see, feel, or touch. And...it's so easy to get caught up in this busy season of buying gifts, baking cookies and preparing for celebrations.

Yet...

I choose to believe in something real...even if I can't see Him...the one who IS...My Savior.

I will take a moment today...to BE STILL and KNOW.

Won't you take a moment today in stillness...a refuge from the busyness...to thank the ONE...the REASON?

November Gratitude...

Early November. A brief lull before the rush of the Holiday Season begins. A time to think about what we have to be thankful for. I have much thankfulness...Kids..Husband...My Job...My Husbands Business...A Comfortable Home...Abundance of Food...Our Health...I could go on.

I am blessed! But, do you ever feel like there is supposed to be something more? You read all my blessings above...what else could I possibly need? Nothing...Except a closer relationship with God and a clearer vision of where I'm supposed to go with the gifts I've been given. Prayer is always the answer when I have a question. Continued prayer on my part to find the answer and I ask for your prayers to make the vision a little less hazy for me.

This month, as the title of my blog states, I'm going to Embrace My Blessings. I'll be sharing with you the little blessings often overlooked and hopefully big ones too. I will also share some beautiful Prayers of Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving traditions that have inspired me to go on this little gratitude journey during the month of November.

O God, when I have food,
help me to remember the hungry;
When I have work,
help me to remember the jobless;
When I have a home,
help me to remember those who have no home at all;
When I am without pain,
help me to remember those who suffer,
And remembering,
help me to destroy my complacency;
bestir my compassion,
and be concerned enough to help;
By word and deed,
those who cry out for what we take for granted.
Amen.

- Samuel F. Pugh

Church revisited...again

I recently saw a post on Facebook about how people shouldn't be choosing a church based on the activities. I should have replied right back to that person but I don't like confrontation and, well frankly, this blog is my soapbox.

The comment was that people think they are Christian just because they have helped someone else AND that they shouldn't choose a church based on the activities. Well, because of my recent church experience I was offended by this. I agree that by simply being a "good person" and helping people doesn't make you a Christian. However, I also DON'T think the type of church you go to makes you a Christian either. There are plenty of people who go to church every Sunday morning and they don't have a personal relationship with God. I have stayed out of church for the last few years just because of attitudes like this person on Facebook has.

I think church is important and it's definitely something I'm looking for right now in my life. BUT, my relationship with God isn't dependent on whether I go to church or not. I know it says somewhere in the bible about gathering together with other Christians. I think that is important but it doesn't have to be at church. It can be a bible study group, a group of like-minded friends, or talking to someone on the street about God. In another post I wrote, I said that
"I feel closer to God in my garden than anywhere else"...including church. My faith and my relationship is stronger now than ever and that has everything to do with my personal prayer life, personal bible study and devotions. What I get from Church is fellowship, new ideas and encouragement. Church is a very small part of my faith walk.

Here is my thought on choosing a church based on activities. Do the activities encourage and inspire your personal relationship with God? Do they get you to Church when you otherwise wouldn't go? Do you learn something from them? Do you get to fellowship with other believers?

If the answer is Yes, then choose a church based on the activities.

Okay...how many people have I offended? I'm sorry if I have but this is where I'm coming from on this whole church thing.

The bottom line for me is this: God knows my heart. He knows my thoughts. He knows I have a close relationship with Him. He knows I have faith in Him. He knows I go to Him for answers. He knows His plans for me and I trust in those plans.

Self? Where are You?

I found out who I am through writing.

I started writing (journaling really) many years ago in my early 20's. I didn't know it then but I was trying to find my own voice. I never thought of myself as a writer but I needed to make sense of everything that had gone on in my life up until that point. I was working through a workbook which required that I do some writing exercises. I'm pretty sure I didn't finish the workbook but I continued with the journaling. For a long time the only time I pulled out the journal was when I needed to scream. Saying it out loud wasn't quite as effective as putting pen to paper for me. I released a lot of frustration, anger, sorrow through writing....no one ever saw it but me.

At some point I learned to pray through writing. I never prayed much except to ask God for something like a new job, help with my debt or a plea for healing when someone was sick, usually me. I never praised Him for what I already had. I didn't know how to do that. I didn't think I knew how to pray and that maybe I wasn't good enough for God to listen to anyway.

What I know now is that when I write I can talk directly to God. I read somewhere to write a letter to God as a way to pray. My early letters were something like this:



Dear God,

I don't really know what to say because I don't know bible verses. I never really went to church as a kid and I never memorized the books of the bible. Anyway, I'm really mad at Pat right now, please change him, he really needs to change. I'd like a better job, I'd really like a house and help me get rid of all of this debt.

Thank You.

Amen.



It was a start. I was really stuck on that bible verse thing and for the record I still don't know the books of the bible by heart. I cheat and use tabs on my bible. I also found out that I can't change my husband and that nothing I do or say will make him change anything. It's between him and God. Oh, and I write all over my bible too, it's kind of like another journal for me. The letters to God have certainly evolved and I continue to write them to this day. I am now able to thank God for my blessings. I can see Him in even the darkest areas of my life and I can thank Him for all the joys I have. Through writing I can make some sense of what is going on around me.

Along the way I realized that I have such a hunger for wisdom of something greater than myself. I have learned much through reading and studying the bible, personal reflection and listening to people who I admire.

I hope the hunger is never satisfied.

Writing saved me. It was (and is) my escape.


For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Journaling...

I journal.

I take my journal with me wherever I go.

I write in it every morning and throughout the day and night.

When I look at my well-worn journal with every page full of my thoughts, prayers, plans, etc. I know I've come a long way since that first empty page.

I found a great resource today on Holy Experience. The post is about Journaling as a Spiritual Discipline: How To Setup and Organize a Journal. There are some great ideas in this post. I hope you enjoy it.