I saw Grandma and Grandpa today. At one point in the visit Grandpa said to me, "I guess we're probably going to be staying here for the long haul". Here meaning the nursing home where he and Grandma have been living for the last couple of years. I heard myself saying things like, "well, this is a nice place" and "they take really good care of you here" and "groceries are really expensive now and you always have a meal prepared for you here".
Driving home through the frozen farmland of northern Missouri and trying to drown out the bickering of the boys in the backseat with my thoughts...I was thinking how easy it was for me to say those things to Grandpa. I don't know that I would feel the same way if I was in their place. Losing their independence...leaving their home that they excitedly built 20 years ago...no more driving anywhere when they feel like it...and virtual strangers seeing more of you then you'd care to admit. Grandma and Grandpa are in their mid-80's now and have lived a good life. Not an easy one. But a good one. I don't think they have totally accepted that they will live out the remainder of their lives in the nursing home. I'm not sure any of us have, really.
So, as always, I try to think about what the lesson in this is for me. I'm 40 years younger than they are. I could end up in the same type of place in 40 years. Then what? Will I care? Will I fight it like they do? Will I accept it?
What I know is that 40 years goes by fast. My first 40 have virtually flown by. What I've learned is that my relationships are the most important things in my life. I hope that if I'm in a nursing home in 40 years that I accept where my place in life is at the time and try to make the best of it.
The lesson for me now? I'm not exactly where I want to be at this point in my life ...BUT... it's where I'm at and I need to make the best of it. But really, I need to not only just make the best of it I need to make the MOST of it.
I think I just found my goal for 2010.
Jackie
Well said, Jackie! How often do we try to help others see the bright side of things but when it comes to ourselves, we're not so optimistic.
ReplyDeleteHere's to making the most of 2010, happy new year!
~Andrea~
Well put! Happy New Year to you and yours.. a blessed year for all. I so appreciate your friendship over the past year! -Tammy
ReplyDeleteSomething for all of us to think about. I appreciate the thought that went into this post. I hope your grandparents begin to feel comfortable and at home, soon.
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This is a copy of the same message I am posting in other places. I wanted to visit and thank everyone who has visited or followed any of my blogs. I have so enjoyed this new experience and look forward to getting to know each of you better. May this be a year of joy and prosperity for everyone.
Happy New Year!!!
Keep a hug on,
~ Just Joany
Red Wagon Flights
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~ Yaya
Yaya's Changing World
at least they are together. i do believe aging sucks, but the option is not aging and that sucks even worse. hopefully they will adjust well and be as happy as possible. happy new year!
ReplyDeleteYou are a wise person, to think all these thoughts.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what point we are on, in our life's journey, it's so wise to be determined to make the most of that point...
Especially when we are still 'in charge' of our life. So that at least, if someday we are not totally 'in charge,' we will have no regrets for how we lived, when we were 'in charge.'
Gentle hugs...
Great thoughts. It is so hard to see those we love grow old. My grandparents are in their mid80s and things are so different. I would love to go back to when mama was in the garden and papa was building things. Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteI think of the same things every time I visit my grandmother in the nursing home. She doesn't really remember anything now, but I sense a sadness there.
ReplyDeleteI'm worried about my parents as well...they insist that they would NEVER want to live like that, yet they decided it was best for my grandmother...
I guess it's a wakeup call to all of us. I'll be looking into longterm care insurance soon!
Ok Jackie, I've read two of your posts and I'm sitting here teary eyed. You are right ...relationships are what is important in this life of ours. Your grandparents are in a spot where my grandma was a few years back. I visited my grandma every chance I got and when we were together we talked and talked, I couldn't get enough of her stories, her life. We would be laughing until we cried. I miss her so much now yet I know that so much of the good in my life is from her. She had difficult times as well and you'd never know it, her outlook on life was so positive and uplifting. Jackie, thanks for your encouraging words. Blessings, Heather
ReplyDeletevery well said. It is sad, but as someone else said, it is good that they are together. I often think of me being that age and what it will be like. We do need to make the most of our life now and live every day to it's fullest. We shouldn't linger on the past that we can't bring back or dwell on thoughts of the future which seems to come all too soon.
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